Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
