I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
