hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
