If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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