and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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