But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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