Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
