All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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