your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
