I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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