We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
