ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My penis needs a shock collar
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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