I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
