Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
