ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
