i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
only you would photoshop your dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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