Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
where are you?
Hypothermia
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
