Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize