I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
