um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
