theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this hospital has no fireball
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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