The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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