I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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