In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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