I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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