the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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