I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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