it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
