remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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