areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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