You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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