Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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