This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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