He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize