Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
