community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
