I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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