If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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