I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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