Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i would punch a child for taco bell
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
