Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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