just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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