Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
