I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The ass gains better be worth it
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