watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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