Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I said "one day" and that day is not today
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
