she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
