I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
