how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
