I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
