My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
