I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
