i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
