I'm so fucking centered right now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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