This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
