can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
