I think I died a long time ago.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
