Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
