he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize