I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Soap is not a condiment
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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