hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
