Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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