Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
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I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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