I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
