I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
