I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
